The Ballad of Mazrim Taimandred
(sung to "The Ballad of Jed Clampett, aka The Beverly Hillbillies theme)
Come and listen to a story ‘bout a man named Taim
Just another False Dragon, was his only claim to fame.
And then one day, he heard voices in his head
Saying "You’re not Taim - your name’s Demandred!"
Chosen, that is. Wouldst thou be Nae’blis?
Well, the next thing you know, ol’ Mazrim’s at the Bore.
The Great Lord says, "Boy, you gotta watch Al’Thor!"
"That so-called Black Tower’s the place I want you in!"
So Demandred-slash-Taim becomes an Asha’man.
M’hael, that is. Number two guy -- again!
So Taimandred runs Rand’s Asha’man school
By the Great Lord’s word, lets the Lord of Chaos rule.
And Rand doesn’t know that a Chosen is his aide,
Or that he will soon by Mazrim be betrayed.
Sold up the river, that is. Ratted out.
See, the Great Lord wants the Dragon as Nae’blis
But Demandred really doesn’t like the sound of this.
"S**t!" he thinks, "I’ll *still* be number two!"
"I can’t get past Lews Therin, no matter *what* I do!"
Jealous, he is. Positively green.
Come and listen to a story ‘bout a man named Taim
Once he was a Chosen of wide and dreadful fame.
But then one day the Dark One he defied
So She dropped him in the Pit of Doom until he fried.
Well done, that is. Thou art Nae’crisp.