Trolloc Kisses Goat
Eyewitnesses in Saldaea report having witnessed what was generally perceived to be popular myth. The term "goat-kissing trolloc" is known to have originated somewhere in the Saldaean area, but before now was thought to have been a fictional refernence. Scientists are now looking into the popular Two Rivers saying "wool headed idiot" and are asking anyone who may have seen such any sentient being with wool in place of a head to come forward with information.
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Woman Tugs Head Off
In a shocking and bizarre turn of events, a young woman from Devon Ride was seen, earlier this morning, to tug her head right from her shoulders whilst conversing with the local Men's Council. The woman was reknowned for tugging visciously on her braid whenever agitated or annoyed, a popular past-time in the Two Rivers, but tearful friends of the woman admitted they never thought it would come to this.
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Callandor Held
The Sword-That-Is-Not-A-Sword has finally been taken from inside the Stone of Tear, according to prophecy, by the Dragon Reborn himself. Unfortunately details are a little sketchy at the time of publication. In related stories, the Man-Who-Is-Not-A-Man has been spotted in the male clothing department, and the Dog-That-Cannot-Be-Walked has been taken around the block.
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String Tied in Ta'veren Knot
In whacky news, an unobtrusive piece of string recently found itself in a compromising position when the Dragon Reborn came to town. According to experts, the strong ta'veren influence the Dragon Reborn exerts has tied the string into a knot that cannot be undone. When reached for comment the piece of string said: "What? What are you asking me for? Pieces of string can't talk!"
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Scientist To Test RD-90
A young alchemist has developed a new hayfever wonderdrug labelled RD-90 and has received permission from the Andoran medical board to commence testing on several subjects. When asked about his invention, Dr Nellon replied, "I first had the idea when I noticed the sheer number of women walking around sniffing."
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Lassie For Amyrlin?
In what may have otherwise been an amusing mistake, a Seanchan reported earlier this week that whilst intending to take her dog for a walk she mistakenly leashed the canine with a nearby a'dam. The Seanchan admits being shocked at the discovery that the dog could channel. The creature in question has been sent to White Tower for training and is expected to reach Accepted some time toward the end of this year.
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Newsflash!
Rand al'Thor discovers Nerf Crowbar, Dark One reported to be running scared.
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Break-Through in Forsaken Mystery
The body of the Forsaken Asmodean was found earlier today in a basement in Rhuidean. Whitecloak Questioners released ID immediately on their suspect; none other than Rand al'Thor, also linked with unconfirmed Dragon Reborn rumours. Questioners trailed the fleeing suspect in a low-speed horse chase, on his trusty steed Bela, which ended peacefully at al'Thor's home in the Two Rivers. He is expected to face trial as soon as next week's jury selection is complete. More news on this as it develops.
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Taim Is Demandred!
Oops... seems to be a typo there. "Taim is demanding", students at Black Tower report.