*an applause machine, which splutters and dies half way through*

Deck Shayol Ghul
(Deck the Halls)

Deck Shayol Ghul with dead avendesora.
Fa la la la la la la la la!
‘Tis the season to kill Coramoor.
Fa la la la la la la la la!
Take thee now thy powerful angreal.
Fa la la la la la la la la!
Gather the Trollocs and the Myrddraal.
Fa la la la la la la la la!

Talissa: Well, wasn’t that…something? If this is the best of Randland, I’d hate to see the worst. Let’s hope these guys are better. Here’s the Sedai Searchers with ‘Away on Dragonmount’.

*real applause from all Aes Sedai present*

Away on Dragonmount
(Away in a Manger)

Away on Dragonmount
No crib for a bed,
The little Lord Dragon
Cried from his sweet head.
A Two Rivers man heard him
And then took him home.
His name was now Rand
And his birth was unknown.

An Aes Sedai found him
When he was a teen,
But Rand al’Thor was
More trouble than he seemed.
He learnt how to channel
And then ran from the Reds
And the Dragon Reborn
Cut off many heads!

Talissa: *unblocks her ears* That was lovely, gals. Who’s next? Ah yes, it’s the Questioners with their song, ‘Oh Come All Ye Darkfriends’!

*a few Whitecloak-fearing people clap loudly, then their claps die when they realise nobody else is joining them*

Oh Come All Ye Darkfriends
(Oh Come All Ye Faithful)

Oh come all ye Darkfriends
Followers of the Dark One
Come and confess after we poke out your eyes.
We will torture you until you tell us what we want.
Oh come let us show you pain!
Oh come let us show you pain!
Oh come let us show you pain!
That is what we do!

Oh come all ye witches,
Who call yourselves Aes Sedai
And lock yourselves in the Tower with your evil deeds.
We will harm you till you wish you’d never been born.
Oh come let us show you pain!
Oh come let us show you pain!
Oh come let us show you pain!
That is what we do!

Talissa: Yes, very reassuring, wasn’t it? It’s lovely to know that the Whitecloaks keep us safe. Next, we have Lews Therin Telamon with his song, which I believe is called, ‘Kill Them All’.

Kill Them All
(Jingle Bells)

Kill them all! Kill them all!
Kill them! Kill them all!
Kill them all! Kill them all!
Kill them! Kill them all!
Kill…

Talissa: Um..Mr Telamon, I think we’ve got the point now. If you would like to stop?

LTT: *still singing*

Talissa: Mr Telamon?

LTT: *still singing*

Lanfear: Let me handle this, girly. Oh Lews, baby. Why do you want to waste your time killing people when you can be with me? Come on, Lews. *leaves*

LTT: *stops singing and follows Lanfear dreamily*

Talissa: *shudders* I’d hate to be in Lews Therin’s shoes at the moment. *hears screams coming from the room where Lanfear and LTT went* Well, next we have…Lanfear performing ‘Daughter of Night’. We may have to skip it if she doesn’t appear soon.

Lanfear: *emerges from room, looking slightly dishevelled, but there is a satisfied gleam in her eyes* I wouldn’t miss this song for anything, child. *sniff*

Daughter of Night
(Silent Night)

Daughter of Night, Lanfear of Night,
Hair is dark, skin is light.
Now I’ve woken from my beauty sleep
And I’m gonna make all the girls weep
‘Cause Lews Therin ought to be mine!
Lews Therin ought to be mine!

Before I slept, I thought I was in strife,
But then the Dragon had only one wife.
The current Dragon, he has three girls.
They all go together like a string of black pearls.
Lews Therin might never be mine!
Lews Therin might never be mine!

Talissa: Such a moving song. Lastly, we have the Randland Choir with ‘Tarmon Gai’don’s Coming to Town’.

*no applause since everyone in Randland is performing, so there’s nobody left to clap*

Tarmon Gai’don’s Coming to Town
(Santa Claus is Coming to Town)

You’d better choose now
Which side you’ll be on.
You’d better choose now
Because there isn’t very long
‘Til Tarmon Gai’don’s coming to town!

The Dark One is stirring
From deep in Shayol Ghul
And the Creator is sending down
The Dragon to do his will
‘Cause Tarmon Gai’don’s coming to town!

The Dark One or Creator?
This choice could be your last,
But you’d better make it quickly
Or you’ll be the victim of a blast!
Oh, you’d better choose now
Which side you’ll be on.
You’d better choose now
Because there isn’t very long
‘Til Tarmon Gai’don’s coming to town!

Talissa: That’s all we have time for her tonight. I hope to see you all back here next year (if Tarmon Gai’don doesn’t kill us all). Until then, Merry Tarmon Gai’don and a happy new Age!

~By Talissa Sedai