Rand sat on the Dragon throne, which was now covered with catchy bumper stickers, many of which said “Follow Me To Hooters.”
Anyway, Rand was sitting on his throne when a Maiden entered, bearing a letter which had “Rand al’Thor” printed on the front. “Thank you.” Rand took the letter. The Maiden turned to go, then looked back at Rand.
“If I may say, Car’a’carn, I like your bumper stickers.” She smiled slyly and walked out the door. Rand sat, looking at the letter. He didn’t recognize the handwriting, which was large and flashy. He looked at the seal on the letter, hoping to figure out who the mystery letter was from. The seal was a dragon wearing a thong.
He opened the letter with great caution. (Well, if someone sent you a letter with a dragon wearing a thong on it, wouldn’t you?)
‘Dear Rand,’ It said. He was surprised that they didn’t address him as ‘Your Dragonness’ as they usually did. He must know them, or they wouldn’t address him so formally… ‘Dear Rand, I know we have never met, but I have a reason to question your place as the Dragon Reborn. My name is Sisqo, but I usually go by “The Dragon.” I was born on the slopes of Dragonmount, also known as inner city Baltimore. I am a male channeler. I went to Rhuidean, also known as LA, and came back with this silver hair and a dragon necklace. My mother was formerly a Queen who became Far Dares Mai, also known as a social security claims clerk. My father was an Aiel chief, also known as an electrician. Teen People says I have a land called Sisqoland. I am ready to proclaim myself as The Dragon Reborn, but first I must meet with you to see if you really are what they say you are. How is this Thurs’day? If Thurs’day is not okay for you, Wed’nes’day is fine, too. Please send a reply by Mon’day.

-Thank you-
Sisqo “The Dragon”

Well this was just great. Another guy that thought he was the Dragon Reborn. Well, he had better get started on his reply.

Dear Sisqo (Rand’s favorite font-Dingbats 1)
D e a r S i s q o

Wed’nes’day is fine. We will see what kind of a “dragon” you are.

Rand The Dragon Reborn
R a n d t h e D r a g o n R e b o r n

Wed’nes’day couldn’t come soon enough! Rand was making preparations, carefully polishing his Dragon Scepter, so he could wave it in Sisqo’s face, rubbing his tattoos with vasaline so they shone glossily, making sure the Maidens of the Spear treated him like just another wetlander, and, of course, burning all the thongs in the city. Berelain and the Aiel weren’t very happy with that one….
Soon enough, a thongless Maiden came into Rand’s chambers, announcing that Sisqo was waiting in the throne room for him. Rand ran as fast as he could into the throne room, turned the Dragon Throne around so the back of the throne faced Sisqo, then slowly turned it back around, with a cold stare on his face.
“Sisqo. We finally meet.” Rand said, then gasped in surprise. He had imagined Sisqo as a large, tall, menacing man like himself, but he found only a short little man with short, silver hair and nice abs. Not as nice as Lan’s abs, but still quite nice.
Suddenly Sisqo did the unexpected. He sang. “He-e-e-e-e-y!” he struck a quite high note, then brought the pitch down as the “hey” went on, as he does in about every song he ever sang. “Rand.”
“Well.” Rand said, rather put out. He didn’t want this Sisqo to be better than him in any way. Even musically. So he took out his flute, and began to play “The Farmer’s Three Daughters.” As the song went on, the tune got faster, and faster, as the daughters began to dance, as the story behind the song went.
Then, suddenly, it stopped. The song was over.
“Well Sisqo, what do you think of that?” He smiled smugly.
“Oh, um, sorry, I sort of missed it. A couple of those hot ladies with spears wanted me to play a game with them, some sort of kissing game. Well anyway, I showed those girls a thing or two about kissing!” He gestured to a few disheveled Maidens standing near the door, looking at Sisqo. If Rand hadn’t known they were Maidens, he would have said that they were moon-eyed! But he would never catch any Far Dares Mai looking moon-eyed, now, would he? Rand gulped. This Sisqo had turned out to be more than he had bargained for…

Watch for the next post sometime soon!
Nyn & Moir

Sisqo Vs. Rand Part 2

Battle of the Dragons, Part 2

Rand stared at Sisqo silently, watching his every move. If he was truly going to defeat him, he would have to make sure he knew all of his enemy’s weaknesses. So far…there were none. But he had only been at it for 3 hours. He needed Min to help him with this! “Min, I need your help.” He walked over to where Min was listening to her C’D player with headphones on. She didn’t respond. “Min.” He said a little bit louder. Then, “MIN!” He shouted.
“Hmmm?” She said, looking up from her C’D player.
“What are you doing, Min? I thought you didn’t have any C’Ds…” He grabbed the headphones from her and put them on. To his ultimate horror, he heard “Unleash The Dragon” blasting from them. “Min, how could you?” He stared at her, horrified.
“Sisqo gave it to me, see? He autographed it! It a really great C’D, he has the most amazing voice…we had a long talk yesterday…I wasn’t feeling very well, and was actually rather sad, and he, well, comforted me. He really is an amazing man….” She drifted off.
“Mustkillmustburnmustkillhimmustburnsisqomustdestroyfalsedragonthatsisqois.”
“Rand?” Min looked at him. “Rand stop it, you’re scaring me!”
“GrrrrrrrrrrrrAAAAAAAAAAAA! COMFORT? I’LL COMFORT HIM!!” Rand stopped suddenly.
“Rand, I never knew the door swung both ways…” Min looked stunned.
“No, wait Min, that came out wrong…”
“No, its okay Rand, theres nothing wrong with that!”
“Min, I’m not that way! You know I love you.” Rand trailed off, then noticed Lefty standing at the door.
“You.” He said, the color draining from his face. “What did you hear?”
“Enough.” Lefty said cooly.
“Well.” Rand said. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of, I mean, theres nothing to have heard, well, I’m not….that way, and even if I was there would be nothing wrong with it, and…..Oh, please don’t tell anyone!!! I”ll do anything!!! Plus, I know you look up to me, and all, so you won’t say anything. Right?”
“Well, for a price….” Lefty smiled evilly. “Finally, the man I have looked up to for so long needs me. He needs me! And I will make him pay for not acknowledging my prescense for so long and-” Unfortunately,
Lefty’s ramblings were suddenly cut off. He realied he couldn’t breathe. Rand’s weaves of Air were holding him so tightly that he couldn’t move, or breathe, for that matter. It didn’t take long for Lefty to die, but it was a good death, in the presence of the man he looked up to so very, very much.

Perrin walked into his chambers, only to find Faile and Berelain in another standoff. But this time, Faile was singing….
“Where Cha Faile at? From the front to back can you repeat that? Trying to take my man see I don’t need that, so don’t play yourself…..”
Perrin turned and walked out of the room.

“So, you guys are all Maidens of the Spear? How bout some more of that game you like to play so much? Or would you like me to teach you how to sing? Or why don’t we dance? You look like you all would be fine dancers." Sisqo smiled his most winning smile.
“Yes, Sisqo.” One Maiden said, smiling. “We would love to dance for you." A circle of Maidens formed around Sisqo, spears pointed toward him. The Maiden who had spoken stepped in the Middle of the circle, and she pointed her spear at his heart. Her smile had turned cold. "Unless we get our thongs back."

Enjoy!
Love, Moir & Nyn
Part 3 will be here soon!

Rand Vs. Sisqo Part 3

Part 3 Rand vs Sisqo: Battle of the Dragons

“You’ve got to help me, Berelain.” Rand begged. “I need you to do the unthinkable. It will sound horrible at first, but maybe you’ll just have to think about it.”
“Well, what is this horrible task you wish me to do?” Berelain folded her arms beneath her breasts.
“I want you to sleep with Sisqo. Maybe if he has a night with you he’ll forget about Min.”
Berelain yawned. “Been there, done him.”
“Wha-what?” Rand spluttered. “Well then how am I supposed to get back at him?”
“I don’t know, why don’t you ask Aviendha, shes the prank expert here.”

“Aviendha, you’ve got to help me prank Sisqo!” Rand ran up to Aviendha.
“Ok, why don’t you prank call him?” She handed Rand a phone. “Go on, just say something you think is a funny thing to say.”
“Hello?” Sisqo answered the phone.
“WAAAAASSSSSSSUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP????????” Rand said loudly, then hung the phone up.
“Haha! That was great!” He laughed.
“I suppose.” She said. “For an amateaur.” She yawned.
“Why is everyone yawning today?” He asked Aviendha, but never got an answer because she was sound asleep.

“Althea! Althea! Mith just taught me some new pickup lines and I need you to let me try them out on you before I use them on…..um….someone.” Pea ran up to Althea_Vestrit.
“Ok, you can, but only if you tell me who you’re going to use them on.” Althea smiled slyly.
“Well, if you must know, Verin.” Pea blushed.
“Ok then, shoot.”
“Ok: Hello, how are you? You are lovely. Will you dance with me, my sweet little tulip?”
“I don’t think she’ll enjoy being called a sweet little tulip…”
“Ok then, how about this: I lost my teddy. Will you sleep with me?”
“Ummmm….I’d pass on that one….” Althea began to leave.
“Ok, one more, this was Mith’s favorite, he told me shed absolutely love this one: I love every bone in your body, especially mine.”
“NO! I mean, uh, no….you might, uh, want to not ask mith about those any more, and, uh, when you talk to Verin, um, don’t use any of those. I have to go now. Bye.” Althea got up and left.
“Wait!” Pea called after her. “How about, hey honey bee, wanna feel my stinger? Mith seemed to like that one.”
“NO!” She shouted back.
**Author’s Note: The funny thing about that scene is that we all know that Pea would never sayy such horrible pickup lines…or would he? *l* **

“Rand, we need to have a talk.” The entire batch of Far Dares Mai present at the palace walked up to Rand.
“Alright, go ahead.” He sat down.
“You see, we feel that, well, another qualification for being Car’a’carn should be you need to kow how to have fun, and well, you’re not doing a very good job of that.” One Maiden said.
“Wh-what?” Rand gaped. “So what are you saying?”
“That Sisqo is more fun than you, and would most definitely rock the Last Battle. You’d probably just fight.” She shrugged. “And you know the song.” The Maidens formed a group in front of Rand. And suddenly, they began to dance. Not fight dance, but dance dance! Music began from somewhere, playing Cindi Lauper. Then they sang.
“Oh, girls just want to have fu-un, o-oh girls just want to have fun….” Rand shook his head.

Stay tuned for the conclusion in Part 4!
Moir & Nyn

Rand Vs. Sisqo Part 4

Rand vs. Sisqo: Battle of the Dragons-Part 4

Rand sat on the Dragon throne, worrying. Had the Maidens really meant what they said? Did they really want Sisqo as their Car’a’carn instead of him? Why? He was so short! There was a knock at the door. Rand was afraid to open it. He was sure it was more Far Dares Mai telling him to get his ass off that Dragon Throne and take his bumper stickers with him. He opened the door. 20-some-odd Maidens were standing at his door.
“Rand, get your ass of that Dragon Throne and take your bumper stickers with you!” One said.
“Whoa.” Rand said. “I know them way too well.”
They grabbed the sceptre from Rand and handed it to Sisqo, who was smiling a big smile. He sat on the newly bare Dragon Throne, all of Rands bumper stickers having been removed.
“Now we will ALL have our thongs back!” Sisqo roared.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Rand cried.

Rand sat up, gasping for breath. Phew! It was all just a dream. He walked over to his bathroom (a garbage can) then came back to his straw mat in the alley and lay down. It was all just a dream...or was it?