Memphis, from an English point of view:

It's hot. It's hot at 3am in the damn morning and it's like breathing through a damp sock, but it STILL isn't as stifling as England in the summer. It's just an altogether different type of warmth. It's weird to go to somewhere where the sun plays such a major part and come home as pale as when you left due to spending too much time drinking indoors.

Now, for the geometrically minded among you, consider this problem - If a Finnish male of mass X Kg consumes beer of mass Y Litres and then springs with a velocity of Stupidly-fast Metres-per-second and a trajectory of not-quite-enough degrees from the horizontal to clear a pool fence of Quite-High-Enough height and encounters gravity (use 9.8 newtons for this example) what is the rate of change of momentum as the Finn hits concrete knees first and falls into the pool?

A moral to learn: Walk not behind an Englishman with a sexy bottom with the intention to step back and laugh as he falls in a hole, for a bigger hole waits for you.

According to the DoL, there is one phrase in Finnish that is all you need to know. "Mordy Bordy Hurdy Burdy Urky Toni!" - Oswald, cut that out!

Forget Cartman in Southpark, just ask Draelin to recite the "Kyle's mother is a bitch" song and be amazed. *s*

Wise man say "Waiter who bring Ms Tackett Hotwings when she asked for Mild ones, will soon have use of second asshole."

You can't buy a Burger King Whopper marked up at $1.99 for two dollars. They want to charge you $2.15 for it. It's also largely impossible to ask for a Whopper in an English accent and keep a straight face. You can however expect the phrase "Take your whopper and stick it up your anal pore" to be understood.

Never, under any circumstances, play cards with anyone called Jessie when there is a rule that whoever wins can invent new rules, like "From now on, only people called Jessie can be Presdient" It didn't happen quite like that, but dark powers were at work.

Need to polish that walrus at midnight? Need to find the relative density of hydrogen on Pluto? Need to find a bottle opener, extra bathroom paper, or a yet-clearer map of Memphis? You need to speak to Heather. If anyone can, she can. *g*

An example of cause and effect: Males cook supper, and prepare iced Marguerita cocktails, and even have the good decency to worry about absent Females, and are generally sweet. Their reward? 'Charlies Angels' assault technique with cold water loaded pistols and much raucous laughter. Sometimes the world is not a fair place.

Someone among our party was a quadraped with 360 degree rotatable limbs and an inhuman fist-to-mouth capacity ratio. *g*

Heather is hungry. She's really hungry. She also knows that the monkeys at the zoo are getting restless, and that heroines in horror films are a sandwich short of a full picnic.

Piggly Wiggly (Yes, Piggly Wiggly! I didn't believe it either) use subliminal messaging to make you buy way more food than you need.

Exxon gas stations have everything you could possibly need at 3am in the morning when Heather isn't available, except for the one thing you really wanted.

There is no Chinese language equivalent of "Sprite". But if you remove the letter P, it'll probably sound authentic enough.

Swimming pools are a fun place for impressions of Steve Austin (who is less bionic than the queen mother) and shouting Go Go Gadget Penis!

Come to Liberty Land and ride the shortest rollercoaster in the world before you enjoy a tasty Mold-burger in the café.

Memphis lifegaurds that are never actually in attendance will let you stay at the pool at midnight when it closed at 10pm so long as you promise not to drown.

If you know how, you can get knee-walking drunk in under an hour after waking up and still not feel sick.

It's surprisingly difficult to watch Star Wars in America, and yes Jar Jar does deserve to have his dangly bits disolved in acid, and I hate having to wait an entire hour to get a glimpse of Big Red Stripey Head.

Gracelands.... it's expensive, it's Elvis, it's duller than toothache, but if you know how, you can get up to all kinds of mischief. *eg*

Oswalds need to be moistened every four hours or they will turn pink and burst. This has nothing to do with project wet. Heather really loves the word moist.

Some animals at the zoo, through no fault of their own, just don't have the necessary appeal to retain one's attention. "Oh look, the lesser spotted woodland antelope. How nice. Now where the hell are the dreadful killer spindly fish?"

We did see the Dragon, and he was sitting on a rock in the three-fold zoo-pen. Didn't see the people of the dragon. We think he might have eaten them, if the dragon could be remotely bothered to move more than an eyelid.

Moving one eyelid is one eyelid more than a sleeping Jessie will move. Also relevant here is the revelation that mortality is related to curtains. Use in the context: "Open those curtains and you *will* die."

Not even the Rolling Stones can trash a hotel room the way three people from the doghouse can. On the canine theme, you can be sure that a hound can make the most authentic doggy-style facial expression too. Oh and there are now people in America that can impersonate my cat driving a car.

~ukDarkHound.
Thangyou, thangyou verra much.