*is almost too distraught to tell the story*

Apparently RJ couldn't take the pressure of writing WoT books anymore because he just couldn't figure out how to get to the end without killing a single character. He became increasingly agitated and unable to concentrate, until one night Harriet made the mistake of renting the most awful movie ever made. That's right folks, she showed dear ole' RJ Congo. James, not being in his right mind, become obsessed with the idea of a lost city of gold out there in the forests of Africa. Before Harriet could say "I'll dance the sa'sara", Jim had packed his bags and was on a private jet to the African jungle. He arrived and began his quest for riches untold (apparently being a NY Times bestselling author doesn't bring in quite the $$$ he expected.)

Soon enough he was connected with a band of soldiers in teh fight for freedom. James, confusing himself with young Matrim, decided to lead the pack of soldiers and abandon his quest for the gold. He's now putting them through their paces with Two River's longbows and and swords and spears they can find. The rebels are frightened and want to use guns, but Jimmy won't listen at all and they are more afraid of him than of fighting off AK-47 fire. He keeps threatening to call up his friends and having the "Band of the Red Hand" all balefired if they don't do exactly as he says. They are convinced he has access to nuclear weapons, so all do as he says.

Meanwhile, Harriet is concerned about the cash cow ending so she is doing everything within her power to bring RJ back or hire another author to take his place. Sadly enough, they psychiatrist she sent out to the Congo to fetch dear Jimmy developed malaria and is in a remote village hospital struggling for life. The bounty hunter contracted Ebola and died a painful death, and the tempting courteson decided it was more fun riding elephants than looking for Jim.

On the homefront Harriet is in negotions with several authors to finish up the series. Eddings is very interested in the deal, but is upset that there is no jewel to be found. Brooks has turned down the offer flatly, saying he needs to get back to his Landover books since the fans are just clamoring for them. Hobb is looking into it, but is not happy with the clause that says there must be a happy ending for all. She wants them to SUFFER a little. Rawn is chomping at the bit for a deal, but Harriet is afraid she will ruin the fine balance of gender equality that James has carefully constructed.

Tor, of course, is unhappy with all of this. They are of the mind to cut and run. They want to bring in Feist, let him kill all the characters, end the series, and send RJ some nice lithium pills.

So, an anyone confirm this rumor? It sounds like WoT is becoming a worse and worse mess everyday. I hope some silly person just made this up! It sounds so insane though, how can it NOT be fact? Fact is often stranger than any fiction.

Maybe we all need to plan a trip over to the jungles and drag him back ourselves.

Vandelay, the very concerned WoTist