The Randland Rha’dio contest

[in the studio, located by the Queens Palace in Andor, Thom Merrilin switches his papers and quickly drinks a sip of oosquai before leaning towards the Mi’chro’fon. The "On Air"-lamp goes on. Thom: (with an exaggerated voice) Hello and welcome to The Randland Rha’dio contest. If you’re quick on your tel’a’fon, you can win great prices here tonight. You just have to know the answer to this question to continue.

[a low drum is heard in the background]

Thom: [switches his papers again] ’This man was murdered in tFoH by an unknown person, after betraying the dark and helping the Dragon Reborn.’ If you know the answer to the question, call 050813-Caemlyn. In the meantime: we have a very special guest here tonight. It’s the creator of the Rha’dio: Elayne Trakand.

[an applause-machine starts]

Thom: Elayne, it’s great to have you here.

Elayne: Thanks, Thom. It’s great to be here.

Thom: Besides being the wealthy creator or the Rha’dio, you’re also the Queen of Andor, and Aes Sedai of Green Ajah. Do you have time for all this?

Elayne: Well, sometimes there can be a little stress, but I use to be able to handle it. Of course, the job as a Queen might sometimes have to be put behind because of the Aes Sedai-duty and the interviews, but you can’t have it all

Thom: No, that’s right. Do you think the success have changed you?

Elayne: (raising her nose in the air) No, I’m still the same girl I’ve always been.

Thom: That’s to well, isn’t it? Now, rumors have circled around Randland lately that your boyfriend, Rand al’Thor has dated two other girls during the time you’ve been together, and that you will leave him. Is this true?

Elayne: (in a cold voice) I have no comment on that.

Thom: (continues as if he hadn’t heard the chill in her words): Well, you don’t have to answer, then. We will return to you later Elayne. Now it’s time for our first contestants to try their knowledge. The answer of the question was ‘Asmodean’, and here are two people who knew the answer. Our first contestant was earlier a False Dragon from Saldaea. Now he is in charge of training Asha’man at the Black Tower. Ladies and Gentlemen: Mazrim Taim!

Taim: Hey, Thom!

Thom: Hello, Mazrim. And who will you confront, then? Let’s see. Our second contestant is a former village Wisdom from Emond’s Field. She is now an Aes Sedai of Yellow Ajah, and also married to the uncrowned king of Malkier. Nynaeve! Do we have Nynaeve online?

Nynaeve: *Sniff*

Thom: I suppose that is a ‘Yes’. Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s play! You know the rules: I say the question, and you call your names when you think you know the answer. Best out of three wins. Ready? Question #1: ‘Which one of the Forsaken created the trollocs’?

Taim: Mazrim!

Thom: yes?

Taim: Aginor.

Thom: That’s right. You seem to know some about the Forsaken, huh?

Taim: Well, not that I have anything to do with them or something like that... Eh, you know.

Thom: Sure I do. It’s 1-0 to Taim. Nynaeve you have to be alert on the next question.

Nynaeve: *sniff*

Thom: OK, here it comes: ‘What does the women in WoT always seem to do when they are annoyed or disgusted?’

Nynaeve: Nynaeve!

Thom: OK?

Nynaeve: *Sniff*

Thom: Correct! Now it’s 1-1!

Nynaeve: Eh, what? I haven’t even answered the question yet.

Thom: No? Well, it was right anyway.

Nynaeve: (confused silence)...

Thom: On to question #3. The one that passes this question wins. ‘What was the name of the sphere located in the air above Collam Daan?’

Taim: Mazrim!

Thom: We may have a winner...

Taim: The Sharom.

Thom: Yes, it’s right! You seem to know some things about the Age of Legends too... hmmm. No, I shall not be suspicious. You won, Mazrim, so you will have the price you selected before: A full ‘How to be a Dragon Reborn’-kit, with the popular ‘A simple guide to prophecies’.

Taim: Yes! Now we’ll see who is a real Dragon , al’Thor.

Thom: Do you wish to play a song for someone, Mazrim?

Taim: Huh? Oh, can I have Metallica’s ‘Don’t Tread on Me’ played for the rest of the world?

Thom: Sure! Thanks for participating.

Taim: A pleasure. Bye!

Thom: Bye, Taim. Before we play the requested song we will ask today’s second enter-question: ‘What was the name of the Crystal Sword that waited in the Heart of the Stone for more than 3000 years, until the Dragon took it?’ Call us when you think you know.

[Thom empties his glass of oosquai, and opens the latest number of the Gleeman Magazine. He has time to read for about a minute before the song ends]

Thom: OK, we’re back. Now let’s see if anybody passed the question. The answer should have been ‘Callandor’. Ah, here’s two contestants. Contestant #1 is a former sheepherder from Emonds Field. Later, he has shown himself to be The Dragon Reborn, The Coramoor, He who comes with the Dawn... you name it, he is it. Rand al’Thor!

Rand: Hello, Thom. How *kill ’em all! Kill ‘em all!* is your show going?

Thom: Just fine, thank you. Now your opponent here will be... The uncrowned king of Malkier. Former Gaidin to the late Aes Sedai Moiraine. Al’Lan Mandragoran.

Lan: (you can feel through the tel’a’fon how hard he is)...

Thom: Well, no time to waste. Question #1: ‘What is the name of the land on the other side of the Aiel Waste?’

Lan: al’Lan Mandragoran!

Thom: Ehm... can you not shorten that name a bit?

Lan: Well, I could simply say ‘Lan'...

Thom: Would be much better. Now, what’s the answer?

Lan: Shara.

Thom: That’s right. Better keep it up, Rand.

Rand: No *Oh, Ileyna* problem, Thom

Thom: Question #2: ‘Who is the cool writer of the very best stories ever written?’

[some seconds of silence]

Lan: Lan!

Thom: Do you think you know?

Lan: Robert Jordan?

Thom: He’s good, but it wasn’t exactly who I was thinking about. Wanna try your luck, Rand?

Rand: NightShade?

Thom: That’s right, Rand! Oh, we have an exiting contest here, haven’t we? It’s now 1-1. Now, the last question!

[gong-gong is heard]

Thom: Oh, listen! It’s an all-or-nothing question! The person who is first to call his name shall answer here. If he is right, he wins two prices, if not, he looses without having the other person answer.

[a drum starts rolling in the background]

Thom: E-hum! ‘In which land lies Shol Arbela?’

Rand: Rand!

Lan: Lan!

Thom: Rand was first, I think...

Rand: Kandor.

Thom: Well we do have a winner...

Rand: Yes! I want to have 'You were always on my mind' played for Lews Therin, and 'Men in Black' for the *I will kill them, I swear* Asha’man...

Thom: Eh, Rand...

Rand: And of course I want my two prices. The Cleaning Saidin - Three easy steps-book, and...

Thom: Rand!!!

Rand: and of course... Eh, yes Thom?

Thom: You didn’t win Rand.

Rand: What *what do you mean* do you mean?

Thom: Shol Arbela lies in Arafel, Rand. You gave the wrong answer. Lan is the winner here.

Lan:...

Rand: I lost? That’s impossible!

Thom: Sorry Rand, but that’s the rules...

Rand: But I am the Dragon Reborn!!! I cannot loose!!!

Thom: Sorry Rand, but Lan is the winner...

Rand: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!

[Thom and Elayne leaps away from the table as an opening Gateway slashes through it. Thom’s bottle of oosquai lies in two pieces on the floor. Rand steps through the gateway, wildly screaming, and raises his hands. Balefire rushes out from between them and continues into the studio. While people abandon the studio in panic, two more Gateways appear. Out steps three Asha’man and two Wise ones, trying to calm Rand down. With an effort, Thom manages to reach the Mi’chro’fon]

Thom: Well, we seem to have some technical problems here. But don’t worry! We will be back next week with another incredible episode of: The Randland Rha’dio Contest. See you then, folks!

By NightShade

Glory to the Knights of Nì!